The Monster That Is Depression

They say push through it. It’ll get better. They say, don’t let it get you down. You can beat it. They try to cheer you up, and you act like it helps so they don’t feel worse for you. You go along your every day lives feeling like you’re on autopilot, not really here nor there. It makes your relationships suffer, without you even realizing it.

But do they really know? Can they see the monster that has taken control of you? The monster that has sunk it’s ugly claws deep into you and dragged you into the abyss, only to hold you there, suffocate you, and whisper things in your ear.

“You’re not enough.” “You’re not worth it.” “Why even try?” “Don’t bother getting out of bed. It’s comfortable, why leave?” “Don’t force yourself to smile and act happy, you know you’re not.” “You had all of these plans for today? Hah, forget that. You won’t get to any of them.”

People with depression struggle with similar things such as I have mentioned everyday. Every single day is a battle. A battle that only those who are in the same situation will understand. But know this. There is always someone there for you. I’m here for you. I’m struggling with the same thing you are. I’ll listen to anyone who needs to talk.

God is there for you, whether you know it or not, whether you feel him there or not. Never lose hope. Things will get better, even though they seem like they won’t. Tomorrow is always a new day, and you never know what might happen or change. It’s hard to remind ourselves of that, isn’t it? It’s hard to be hopeful. To be positive.

I’ve always been the positive person to those around me. Going through health issues year after year, yet smiling and being a bubbly person. Yet no one sees behind the scenes. They don’t hear the thoughts that creep through my head, trying to take control. The doubts. It is a constant struggle to be positive. It is a struggle to smile. My face doesn’t want to most of the time. My muscles get tired easily and it’s physically and mentally draining. But I still try to be positive. It’s so, so hard at times. And sometimes I don’t succeed, and it’s obvious.

It’s also easy to get defensive. When people ask you if you’re okay, after a while you stop wanting to be asked that question. You avoid talking to people, just to avoid that question. No, you’re not alright. But after lying time after time, telling people your ‘fine’… you just get to a point where you don’t want to have to say that anymore. You just want to be left alone. It’s hard not to eventually get irritated and snap at a loved one, simply for asking if you’re alright for the hundredth time. It’s easy to go a whole day without even talking, or hardly talking.

That’s when we need to realize, we need help. That’s it’s not healthy, for ourselves or those around us. It’s a blessing that we should be thankful for that people care enough to keep asking if we’re okay, and to be there for us. We don’t see it at the time, but later we’ll be grateful for them. We’ll end up regretting pushing people away if we don’t realize that. We’ll end up regretting how we’re living. We’ll end up resenting ourselves. It’s a never-ending cycle. Unless we get help. I have finally realized that I need to see someone. I’m going to my doctor soon to see about antidepressants. Something needs to change in my life, and something can change in yours too.

Don’t be afraid to seek help! Doctors aren’t out there to hurt you. Therapists aren’t out there to judge you. Yes, there are some doctors and therapists out there that are not worth your time. But that doesn’t mean you can’t go to someone else who will actually help you. The time for change is now! Don’t waste your life away being miserable. Don’t keep pushing your loved ones away. Things can and will get better. You just have to want it, and have the courage to go after it, no matter what. We can have courage together!

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